It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
