it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
