I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
