I cockslap morals
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
