when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
