I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
