We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
