Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
