Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
