This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
