I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
