I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
