Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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