This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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