Don't you send me to vm
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
