U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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