Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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