On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
