it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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