If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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