Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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