No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Never joke about your clitoris.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
