Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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