I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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