Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
