He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
