Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
