dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
