kristin has been a bad kristin
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
