Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
