good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
