You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
