Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
