and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
