so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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