Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
