This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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