Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
