One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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