You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize
