There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
