All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
