I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
