What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
