No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
