a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
