Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
