Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
