Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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