Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I need moral support for this bender
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
